The basics of what is entailed in this adventure in irritation.
1: Open the computer case and blow the dust out.
2: Install and run a free Anti-Virus.
3: Install and run a free Anti-Malware.
4: Run auto-update, install updates for their computer.
5: Re-run Anti-Virus/Anti-Malware.
6: Install Skype, Mozilla Firefox, Zone Alarm.
7: Teach what the Internet is.
7a: Tell that certain web-pages can be accessed from anywhere in the world.
7b: Show what cannot be accessed from anywhere else but that computer they are in front of.
7c: Explain that there is only ONE Internet, that it doesn't change with different ISPs or locations.
8: Teach how to use all the above mentioned programs.
9: Explain that Skype IS NOT THE INTERNET.
10: Explain the Skype IS NOT A WEB BROWSER.
11: Explain that Skype IS NOT AN ISP.
11a: Explain that it doesn't matter what ISP you are using that you can still use a web based computer to computer call for free using the Skype service. (Yes I know about the AT&T thing where they will begin charging for Skype use on mobile devices across their network.)
12: Explain what and ISP is.
12a: Explain AGAIN that websites can be accessed from anywhere in the world.
13: Explain AGAIN the Skype IS NOT THE INTERNET.
14 repeat steps 7-13 4x more minimum.
15: Write down what icon are and what they do.
16: Draw map of screen label icons on screen and hope no one moves an icon.
17: Re-draw map after someone moves an icon.
18: Suggest basic computer course at the Tech school.
19: Hint that they (the persons you are teaching) would be spending upwards of $120 an HOUR to be taught this same information that you are doing for much less than that.
20: Begin charging to fix problems they create.
21: Smile blissfully as now upset family and their friends go elsewhere and pay double what was being asked.
22: Refuse any further requests with the statement of "I can no longer afford to do things for free and my working on any problem would void any contract you agreed to when you went with 'company X'."
21a: Get surprised with a cash payment for my trouble with extra added in for their being a nuisance.
22a: Help again so long as monetary payments are made for services rendered.
I'm currently in hiding to avoid the stupid of the world at least until my feet stop hurting and I no longer wish to strangle anyone who asks me the same question four times.
Aside from that, I'm all groovy and looking forward to my last quarter.