Bluefox (bluefoxxie) wrote,
Bluefox
bluefoxxie

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A late follow-up.

It's been right about a month since my father passed. While it is true he fell into grand disfavor with me and the amount of words we passed from me telling him I would piss on his grave could be scribbled on a napkin. He's still my father.

He's a man that lived utterly convinced he would never live past the age of 40 or 42. It's bad that I don't really have that many good memories of him because he wasn't really what most would wish their fathers to be. He loved picking any sort of weakness and beating you over the head with it, if you got upset it was all the more funny. If you did the same back suddenly it was not funny and that you were a jerk for doing it. That is my biggest memory of living with and dealing with the man.

Other memories include being called a faggot by yelling it in front of all my friends because I happened to make the comment that another male friend of mine looked sharp in his new digs. So yea, giving a complement to any guy automatically made you gay, advice to any straight males. Don't EVER complement anyone if you want to remain straight.

He wanted to be 18 years old for the rest of his life and never thought for the future until he ticked past 45 and wasn't dead yet. Then suddenly he tried to made scramble to better his health but the decades of poor health caught up in the form of a heart attack or stroke that took him out of commission for three days. Three days of him laying on the floor of his house with no one to check on him because he drove the only person that had been living with him away. I was that person.

It was that event that began his slide into breaking down steadily, more heart attacks and strokes later found him hardly able to walk and an inability to remember a conversation for longer than 10 minutes at a stretch. That progressively declined until he was 3 minutes of total short term memory. He could recall everything up until the first major stroke, but nothing there after.

He ended up a ward of the state for a short time until he lied and convinced his second Ex-wife to take him out of the care hospice with the promises of hundreds of thousands of dollars in insurance money. the money was never there and for five years she would keep him at her house then go dump him at other hospice care facilities until he had amassed between $35k and $125k in bills per facility, then she'd just take him out and put him in a new place. Never paying the bills or attempting to get better treatments or medications. She also stole more than a half million dollars from the federal government and the state in the form of his disability checks which she used for herself. I can say this because she plead guilty to doing it in court. Why that woman is not behind bars I'm not sure.

The last year of his life was spent in a proper hospice care facility where he was placed once his sister was given legal custodial rights. From the few pictures I saw he was a hapless shell of his former self, and the last weeks of his life were spent on his back in a hospital bed to frail to even sit up without help. He passed away quietly from what I'm told. He was 63.

The funeral had enough people to just about fill a shuttle van and still let everyone have a seat-belt. My two brothers, their fiance's, my half sister, the second ex-wife -whom I wished badly to beat with a shovel-, his sister and her husband, a cousin and her husband, my uncle and his wife from my dad's side, myself and my mom. The service lasted 2 hours, no casket since he had been cremated, the grave side we dug with a shovel, about two and a half feet down to bury a cardboard box with his ashes.

From there I drove back from the coast with my mom, younger brother and his fiance because she -the fiance- suffers really hyper bad asthma and she forgot her inhaler when we had departed on short notice the day prior. A trip that normally takes 3 hours and about 45 minutes, we covered in just under 3 hours flat.

The most noteworthy thing about it all, was how cut throat my family is. My brothers, their fiance's I and my mom were invited to the uncle's for thanks giving. My aunt and her husband and boy were also invited. All right in front of my step sister, whom was not invited at all. The entire time at the funeral she was treated like the unwanted outsider because of the second ex-wife -her mom- being there. I do not like how she was treated for the entire situation because literally, she's only turned 18 recently and still has to live with that vile woman until she can find somehow to support herself.

A further notation was something I had recalled while there, the lie my father told to the second ex-wife. the reason she told my half sister was that she did it to secure her future with the money he had. In the end they still lost because the money he did get for disability would have just barely covered his bills for medication, nothing else. Do I know where the money went to or what it was spent on? No. Do I care? No. All the man left me with was bad memories, a few skills and an appreciation for how not to go about life. I hate alcohol because of him, I also know how to shoot and clean wild game because of him.

In the days since, I think about it and say 'Man, he's really dead...' then I move on. I've been told I'm in denial about how much pain I should be feeling, and I'm not really hurting. I stopped caring long enough ago when he couldn't recall a conversation that we had just had minutes prior. I stopped carrying my torch of grudge because he'd not recall it and that was the whole point of having a grudge. Was that he would remember, so when he couldn't anymore. It became pointless.

I figured it was time to post this now. Thank you for reading what I have here. Thank you to those that sent your well wishes, they're awesome.

Fox Out.
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